I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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