i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
