I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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