Dude my mom stole all your condoms
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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