i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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