my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
