It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
