In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize