There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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