I wanna passion pit in your ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
