the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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