I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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