I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
