she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize