The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
