question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
