she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize