I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Boobs are out for the taking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
