a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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