so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
