I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
