His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
