I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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