My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
