when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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