it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
