so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
