is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
