He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
