the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
