the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
