true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
