I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
