I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize