Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will be naked everywhere
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize