He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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