Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
