so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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