I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
