Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
