There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
