every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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