he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
