I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
