Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
