remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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