my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
