I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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