We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
