Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
