we have officially lost it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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