i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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