The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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