Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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