my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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