I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
