My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
