Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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