he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish you could order shots online.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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