Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
