closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
