my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
