Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk is not a location!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
