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I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
its liver damage thursday
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
